


As We Start

by OhMyGlobWhatthefrickamievendoing



Series: they say your childhood is the best time of your life [1]
Category: Batman (Comics), Batman - All Media Types
Genre: ??? - Freeform, Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - No Heroes & Villains, Alternate Universe - No Powers, Child Abuse, Dark fic, F/M, Gore, I dunno it wasn't meant to turn out like this, M/M, One-Sided Relationship, Twisted and Fluffy Feelings, Unhealthy Relationships, Violence, alternate universe - kidfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-06
Updated: 2017-04-25
Packaged: 2018-07-12 15:30:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 4
Words: 2,746
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7111816
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OhMyGlobWhatthefrickamievendoing/pseuds/OhMyGlobWhatthefrickamievendoing
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Little Jay fell in love at age five, when Bruce Wayne dumped green paint on his head during break.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> What am I even doing...  
> The 2nd chapter (which'll probably also be the last one) will be longer than this and may /may/ taken on a different style to this

Jay was five when he fell in love.

  
He had been that quiet weird kid at the back of the class who the others were content to ignore and Jay had resigned himself to the fact that he would never be _seen_. So it came as a _bit_ of a surprise when Bruce Wayne had walked up to him during break one day and dumped a bottle of green paint on his head. Bruce had then proceeded to stand in front of Jay, rocking on his heels and grinning happily _at him._

The rest of the class ,which had been unnaturally silent during the whole procedure, had burst into peals of laughter but Jay had only been able to stare at Bruce and take him in. His wide smile that was missing a tooth. His bright blue eyes and pitch black hair. And _yeah_ his heart may have skipped a beat because someone _noticed_ him.

(He may have gone home that day to a beating from mama because _really Jackie could you please for once in your fuckin’ life try not to make my life any harder you ungrateful little bitch_ and yes okay he may have found out the whole Incident was prompted by a dare but that did little to stop the skip of his heart when he saw Bruce the next day)

 

* * *

 

Over the next few years Jay did whatever he could to keep on making Bruce notice him. From dumping glitter in his bag to throwing his sandwich at him during break to stealing one of the pretty lil’ wooden robins that Bruce had brought to school for show and tell.

 

* * *

 

Jay was eight when Bruce first punched him.

Jay had just spent the whole first week of school alone since Bruce had yet to return after the holidays.Jay had just spent the whole first week of school _worrying_ that Bruce would _never_ come back. (But _that **couldn’t**_ happen could it!? Because Jay _needed_ Bruce and Jay _loved_ Bruce _and Bruce loved Jay as well. Right?)._

It was when he _finally_ came back pale and thin did Jay find out the reason behind the absence. Bruce’s parents had _died. Killed. Shot down in an alley_ (and maybe Jay had heard about it but it had been _boring_ news because really _at least_ one person was shot down in Gotham everyday. It was _nothing_ new).And Bruce had been with them. Bruce who didn’t smile anymore or play with his friends. Bruce who now sat in the back of the class and ignored everyone. Bruce ,who Jay thought, suddenly looked older than anyone else in their class.

Bruce was upset. Jay understood _that_ much at least though he didn’t really understand _why_ (Jay thought he’d be quite happy if _his_ parents had been shot to death). What he _did_ know was that he wanted to see Bruce smile again and he wouldn’t do that if he was still missing his parents and Jay _had to_ find a remedy for that!

So he drew a picture for him.

He drew Bruce and his mother and his father and a dog (because rich people had dogs _right!?_ ) smiling and happy. Jay had then nervously handed the picture to Bruce whose face had shifted from the blank expression he had favoured the past few days to not his cheeky grin but to something so screwed up and _angry_ that Jay’s breath had caught in his throat.

(Later when he was sitting outside the principal’s office with a bloody nose and a bloodier tissue Jay figured he may have liked Bruce’s face twisted with _anger_ more than he liked his smile.)


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This takes place when they are 16 and it kinda became really dark so....oops...I had no idea where I wanted to go with this but it turned out sorta okay..??

  
_It became an addiction. An obsession. Bruce’s fists on his skin. Breaking it and letting small red droplets seep through. Plop. Plop. Plop. As it dripped to the dirty floor of a dirty hallway within a dirty school in a dirty city. Bruises blossoming along his skin in pretty swirls of colours ; much **much** prettier than anything mama or pa left for him. Broken bones that sent phantom spikes of pain through Jay long after they healed. Scars that decorated his body, not ugly and damning like those left by his parents but beautiful marks of love left by Bruce. Marks that Jay would trace at the end of the day, lighting the sparks that travelled up his spine and made his body warm (making him forget the burn of his skin from where mama had scrubbed with bleach in order to clean him of the ugliness that clung to his skin and seeped through into his soul)._

 

* * *

 

Jay’s provoking of Bruce wasn’t all for selfish reasons though, because he _knew_ this was helping Bruce just as much as it was helping himself, because he _knew_ Bruce and he could see the **_need_** to fight and break bones, to become bloody and sore, to cause pain ; the **_need_** to feel alive that lit up in Bruce’s eyes seconds before his fist connected with Jay’s nose and Jay erupted into fits of manic laughter that had Bruce’s face (speckled with Jay’s blood) twisting into that look of disgust and anger that Jay loved so much.

 

* * *

 

(The fights always ended with Jay outside the principal’s office, bloody and broken and content, waiting for the woman to repeat the same lines she had said to him the first time he ended up here – in her bored and miserable tone – because this was Gotham city and _nobody_ cared)

 

* * *

 

Jay finds the younger _girl_ who follows him around like a lost pup with her big blue eyes and high voice to be amusing and pitiful but useful in the grand scheme of things because he could see Bruce _react_ to her. He could see how those icy blue eyes narrowed as they followed her. His fists clenched so hard that Jay could see the small beads of red that fell from them.

Jay smiled and pecked Harley on the head to the girl’s _obvious_ delight ,if her high pitched squeal was anything to go by, and trotted past Bruce without a glance in his direction as he prattled to Harley about this and that not needing to turn around to know that the girl was following him like the obedient little pup he saw her as.

 

* * *

 

It’s all in good fun really. He’s seen this sort of things in the movies he watches from behind the couch after pa , finally tired, passes out on their ratty recliner and _lil’ Jackie_ ,bruised and broken, lays slumped on the floor too tired to make a retreat to the relative safety of his room. He’s seen it in the movies so he’s not sure why it wouldn’t work. The love interest (that’s him he knows because he _knows_ that he was never meant to be the main character) starts to show interest in a side character (a plot device really – that’s Harley – sweet sweet naive Harley who he was _sure_ would kill for him if he asked nicely enough) and the protagonist (Bruce. _Bruce. Always Bruce._ ) would get jealous and lash out before declaring his undying love to Jay for all to hear. They’d then ride off into the sunset to live happily ever after. The End.

_At least that’s what was supposed to happen._

But _NO. Bruce_ had to go off script. _Bruce_ had to go and feed a stray (you know what they say about cats – ‘feed them once and they follow you home’ – the mangy beasts). _Bruce_ had to walk around the school with lipstick in a shade much darker than Jay would ever dare to wear smeared around his collar. _Bruce_ had to walk around school with that small smile – something Jay hadn’t seen in the past eight years. _Bruce_ had to leave Jay and go off with that _Selina. Bruce_ had to ignore the relationship they had for the past eleven years _for a girl._

That was the first time Jay hit Harley.

 

* * *

 

Jay had been annoyed and angry and betrayed and _hurt_. Ever since _Selina_ their fights had dwindled down until they stopped altogether.

“Leave him alone. He’s crazy. C’mon.” _She_ would say each time Jay picked a fight and Bruce had him on the ground. Jay could _see_ Bruce’s mind _forcing_ down that instinct, _that_ _need,_ to hurt Jay just so he could please _the girl._ Jay could see the exact moments Bruce’s expression changed from anger to disgust to pity before his face closes off. He is calm, not angry and half mad as is the usual but _calm_. Bruce turns to leave.

Soon Bruce would stop responding to Jay at all. Soon no matter what Jay did Bruce would turn away. Soon no matter how much Jay pleaded _and pleaded_ Bruce would leave him. Soon Jay would start to take it out on Harley. Sweet sweet naive Harley.

 

* * *

 

Jay lashes out. Harley leaves. Jay apologizes. Harley comes back. The cycle continues.

Harley’s perfect skin becomes darker shades of black and blue with each cycle and no matter how much Pam may yell and threaten and plead and cry Harley _always_ comes back. And really it's only fair Jay thinks that someone else hurts like he hurts.

(With Bruce no longer painting Jay’s skin with varying shades of blue the only bruises Jay has are those given by mama and pa on a daily basis and they _hurt_.)

And really it’s only fair that Jay shares that hurt.

 

* * *

 

It’s been a year maybe more and Jay’s cheek stings and he feels a thrill of something long lost shoot through him. _When did Harley grow a backbone._

“ I don’ love you no more Mistah Jay. Ya sick an’ ya need help. Really. I don’ wanta be with ya anymore. You’re killing me and I don’ wanna die. _I don’ wanna die._ I wanna live and get a degree! Maybe even become a doctor. I wanna adopt a hundred dogs and I wanna stop hurting. _I wanna love._ I wanna love and not be hurt. I wanna be loved and not be hurt. Just fa’ once _I wanna be loved._ ” Harley is no longer screaming. She has tears rolling down her white cheeks, leaving trails of black, but she’s _calm_. She turns and leaves.Jay doesn’t worry. Harley will be back.

Harley always comes back.

Except she doesn’t.

 

* * *

 

Harley’s gone the next day. Transferred to some good school in Metropolis. The same school that Pam had left to a month ago if Ed was to be believed. She was a smart kid when it came down to it.

Jay didn’t miss her. He repeated that to himself each time he stepped into school _he didn’t miss her. She was a distraction. A toy. He didn’t miss her._

Maybe one day she would return to Gotham. Maybe one day they’ll meet again when she is a doctor with a hundred dogs in a loving relationship and Jay is her patient.

 

* * *

 

Bruce continues to ignore him.

 

* * *

 

He’s nearly eighteen and taller than his mother now.

The thought slams into him when he has to bend almost in half when she grabs him by the hair and drags him out of his chair. Screaming of demons and smiling monsters as she drags him towards the bathroom to _cleanse_ him.

_He is taller than her._

He is taller than her he thinks as he grabs her by the hair and _yanks_ hard enough that her head snaps back, hard enough that she lets go of him with a shriek.

He is taller than her he thinks as he doesn’t give her time to even react.

He is taller than her he thinks as he slams her head into the kitchen counter over and over and _over_ again.

He is taller than her he thinks as her head cracks open and paints the world in red.

He is taller than her he thinks as he starts to laugh and laugh and _laugh._

_He is taller than me he thinks when his father finally stumbles into the kitchen._

 

* * *

 

Lil’ Jackie’s body hurts. His world is painted in red and he has a distinct metallic taste in his mouth. His ears are ringing but he can still hear pa. From the corner of his eye he can see mama’s slumped body.

Pa is _calm._ His voice soft and cold. Sober.

And Jay is _scared_ because pa has always been loud and angry and drunk. This is new and this is scary. Jay remembers Harley the last time he saw her. Jay remembers Bruce the last time he looked at him. Jay is _terrified_.

“ – a monster. A demon. Should have listened to your mother. Should have killed you off the minute you opened your eyes. But no I felt sorry for you. I stood up for you. I told her we’ll keep you. _But she was right. A monster. A creature who feeds off death and madness –_ “

He is being dragged by his foot now. Through the small kitchen, past mama and into the cramped living room.

His body is broken and hurting. He is terrified.

But that doesn’t stop the small giggles from escaping past his mouth.

That doesn’t stop him from spying his reflection in one of the bottles strewn across the room – face gaunt and splattered in red, twisted into a smile that shouldn’t belong to a human. _A monster._

That doesn’t stop him from grabbing the bottle.

 

* * *

 

It had been surprisingly easy to ignore his creaking broken bones as he broke the bottle and slammed it into a soft gut and then a fat neck. 

 

* * *

 

His giggling had become chuckles at the gurgles pa made, his face frozen in wide eyed shock. His chuckles had become cackles as Jay realised that the one thing that pa lived for was the exact same thing that had been used to kill him. Jay wondered if that meant one day Bruce would kill him. He wouldn’t mind.

His cackles turned into shrieks. His shrieks dissolved into sobs.

No one ever came to investigate. They lived in Gotham after all.

 

* * *

 

It had probably been days. Or maybe hours. Or maybe years.

Jay was behind the couch. Bruised and broken. Pa was on the ratty recliner. Mama was in their small kitchen. The house smelled of rotting bodies and Jay smelled of blood and vomit. He may not have moved in days. Or hours. Or years.

No one would notice. No one would come. And Jay would rot to death behind a couch.

He thought of Harley and how he may never get to be her patient. He thought of Bruce and how he may never get to be his victim.

He laughed. Water dripped down his cheeks. The house was leaking again. It wasn’t raining.

 

* * *

 

_“Napier!?!? Napier!!! Jack!!!!!!! Jay??? Jay!?”_

Jay giggled. He was lonely. The voices helped.

The door knob jiggled. The door creaked open. Jay wondered if he was dying. Or was he already dead.

There were no footsteps but the sound of someone retching was harder to hide. Jay giggled again as the cursing started and immediately stopped.

“Jack??” Jay knew that voice. He knew that tone of voice too from the movies he’d watch from behind the couch. _Concern._ Jay giggled once more. He really _must_ be dying for who could care for _a monster._

Jay still didn’t hear the footsteps but he did see the pair of legs that stopped in front of him and then a face as the person knelt down and gently cradled Jay’s broken face. Bright blue eyes laced with anger and concern, pitch black hair that was standing up in every direction.

“I must have died cause _darling_ I’m seeing angels~ Or demons I suppose...” Jay cackled softly.

Bruce scowled.

Jay closed his eyes and saw a little boy with a wide smile and a missing tooth.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry this took so long to update!! 
> 
> I've had half of this written since I first posted the first chapter. And I also want to do a small fic for this from Bruce's side.....
> 
> I've also had drafts for 6 other batjokes fics since around May but life the last few months had been shit so it'll take some time =/
> 
> Hope you enjoy and please feel free to comment cause I live for feedback
> 
> Oh and
> 
> HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


	3. Chapter 3

Hi!

This is just to say I've finished writing the second part of this series and posted the first chapter of it. The second one will be posted within this week =D

Yeah okay that's it.....so I guess Have a nice day! =)


	4. Chapter 4

Hi again!!

I just posted the second and final chapter of the second (and most probably final) part of this series so enjoy =D

The chapter will take place when they are 16 and contain some pretty dark stuff so read the warnings and i'd love to hear your comments on both these stories <3


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